What are you noticing this week? About yourself, about how you think, about patterns in your life?
This theme of noticing, and the idea of benevolent detachment (see my last musings here) seems to have really struck a chord.
Part of the reason I believe detachment is so important in our lives is it provides that space to stop, notice, think and reassess. And that then creates opportunity for us to choose a different response from the norm.
It is all-too-easy to find ourselves running full pelt on the treadmill of life, doing things the same way we always do because it is easier and it is what we know. Like our default thought patterns, our behaviour follows similar patterns. Our brains like to conserve energy, so we default to known patterns of behaviour.
It is easier, quicker, and possibly safer.
At least in the short term. But safe does not always mean good.
Sometimes safe can mean stuck.
I had a marvellous conversation with a client recently that exemplifies just this.
This client identified for themself that progress being made was perhaps slower than they would like. But what we hit on between us is that the progress that IS being made is internal – mindsets and belief systems are changing. This is what is much more likely to lead to permanent, positive growth and change.
We can change our external behaviour and take up new activities or set ourselves tasks. But if we do not simultaneously change what we are believing about ourselves as we do these things, the behaviours themselves are less likely to stick.
This is where my client is. An action step is being worked on, and as is often the case, the trickier part of this is approaching. Normal, old mindsets for this client would have them procrastinate, dither, distract themself by starting a new activity and in so doing, would seem to still be busy but would actually not be making the progress on the chosen action step.
But what is key to this client just now is the step of detaching and noticing. Stopping to see these patterns of thinking, and challenging them, and choosing a different response.
The result of this is huge – the internal dialogue that has previously hamstrung progress and thwarted confidence is changing to create space to notice the previous behaviours and choose new, healthy ones.
Progress is slower, but much more likely to be permanent and positive.
Noticing and choosing a different response: What does this mean for you?
Where perhaps do you default to known choices and behaviours simply because there is not always the space to notice those patterns?
Choosing a different response follows on from being able to see the choices in front of us in the first place. And this happens when we step back and see the bigger picture, objectively and without judgement.
Another huge privilege I have had recently is facilitating a group coaching session for a marvellous team I know. The subject of benevolent detachment came up, and one participant observed that this is the phrase she has been searching for over many years. She knew that was what she was needing to learn to do, but had not been able to put her finger on exactly what that process entailed.
The idea of stepping back, continuing to care, but noticing behaviour and responses and choosing a healthy one that does not overburden. More on that here.
Stopping, noticing, taking a few minutes to consider and then choosing a different response that breaks old patterns of behaviour that do not serve us well.
Our brains want to protest:
But I’ve always done it like this!”
And that is not a bad question. But stopping, noticing and creating space by detaching allows us to ask follow up questions –
- How well has this served me in the past?
- What is the best outcome here for me and everyone involved?
- Am I listening to a negative voice that is keeping me stuck?
- What could I do differently that would be positive and promote internal growth?
This of course takes practice, repetition, reinforcement of new behaviours.
But it all starts with noticing and choosing a different response, rather than the easy, default one.
I leave that with you as food for thought for this week.